Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Enlargements
Every day that I get emails, and that is pretty much all of them, I receive some emails about penis enlargement. I don't know why so many people know about or care about the size of my penis, but evidently word is out on the street. Why would I even want to enlarge my penis? My hand isn't getting any bigger. The way I see it, these products that are being peddled to enlarge penises either work or they don't. If they don't, then anyone spending money on the product would be wasting time and money. If they do, then other problems open up: more money spent on lotion, more money spent on paper towels, and maybe more money spent on larger pants. Sometimes I also see breast enlargement emails: "Enlarge your breasts by two cup sizes in 4 weeks!". Now that's something worth considering. Although if I had breasts, I'd never leave the house. So if in just 3 more weeks I stop leaving the house, we will know that it worked. If that works, maybe I'll try the other enlargement products as well. Now I just need to wait for the hand enlargement emails.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
MacGilligan
There were two shows I watched in my youth that offered a great possibility for transposition of characters. These shows were "Gilligan's Island" and "MacGyver".
Gilligan's Island had the professor, who could build all kinds of stuff out of raw materials on the island. "Hey Skipper, look! I fashioned a radio out of this coconut." "Hey Ginger, I made an X-ray machine out of some plankton and palm fronds." Yeah, all that stuff is great, but how useful is it? Why can't you use some "wood" and fix the hole in the boat?
Now, MacGyver on the other hand, was always Johnny-on-the-spot. He would have 20 minutes to prevent terrorists from using the stolen helicopter to blow up the White House, and he'd use some chewing gum, a paper clip, and a fingernail-full of earwax to build a bomb with a 19-minute timer. Problem solved.
If the Professor was in McGyver's position, the world would have ended about halfway through the first episode. "Professor, we need to stop the terrorists from blowing up the world!" And the Professor would use a lobster shell and some pebbles to make a toaster.
If McGyver was on Gilligans Island, that hole in the boat would have been fixed. Not immediately though, because first Ginger and Maryann would have gotten pregnant. Oh, and that pompous Mr. Howell would have accidentally stepped on a land mine made from chewing gum and paper clips.
Gilligan's Island had the professor, who could build all kinds of stuff out of raw materials on the island. "Hey Skipper, look! I fashioned a radio out of this coconut." "Hey Ginger, I made an X-ray machine out of some plankton and palm fronds." Yeah, all that stuff is great, but how useful is it? Why can't you use some "wood" and fix the hole in the boat?
Now, MacGyver on the other hand, was always Johnny-on-the-spot. He would have 20 minutes to prevent terrorists from using the stolen helicopter to blow up the White House, and he'd use some chewing gum, a paper clip, and a fingernail-full of earwax to build a bomb with a 19-minute timer. Problem solved.
If the Professor was in McGyver's position, the world would have ended about halfway through the first episode. "Professor, we need to stop the terrorists from blowing up the world!" And the Professor would use a lobster shell and some pebbles to make a toaster.
If McGyver was on Gilligans Island, that hole in the boat would have been fixed. Not immediately though, because first Ginger and Maryann would have gotten pregnant. Oh, and that pompous Mr. Howell would have accidentally stepped on a land mine made from chewing gum and paper clips.
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